And Why Can’t I?

I don’t get why after a breakup,  I’m expected to act like I’m okay and that I’m not allowed to whine and cry about  it. My friends keep telling that it’s okay, these things happen and that sooner or later it won’t hurt as much. Well, I’m impatient. I want to understand and tell him how I feel without feeling like I’m coming off as desperate. I want him TO KNOW and not be alone in this situation.  Because every single breakup, I’m suppose to adjust, adjust to not talking to him everyday and adjust to making sure I don’t run into him in the halls.

The truth is, I’m not okay.  Sure it’s been a few weeks and I’m a strong girl who suppose to get through.  Well I’m tired of being alone but most of all, I’m tired of being wrong.  Wrong for having these feelings, wrong for trying to do something about it and wrong for making the first move.

Why can’t I ask my him to hang out, even if we broke up.  Why is that weird? I want to hang out with him, even if it to just to sit and breathe. And why can’t I be pushy?  I know I’ll never get an answer  if I just sit all day, waiting, and probably then I won’t even get a response.  I’m tired of people telling me I should just move on.  Well wait a minute, when did my feelings suddenly not matter?  WHY IS IT OKAY FOR HIM TO BREAK MY HEART, how come no one’s putting that into question? That all that matters is to make sure that HE IS COMFORTABLE and that I’m not saying or doing I’ll regret.  Well tell the world, tell them that Maggie’s crazy.  Good.  Its about time people realize that the people around them aren’t okay.

And why is so wrong to fall in love and say that you are in love but why does that only come at a time limit?  I’m that girl who might could not say a word all day but once it comes to saying how I feel, don’t worry I’m not holding back.  Why can’t we be in the moment and say how we feel.  And if things aren’t working out, why can’t we just talk about it instead of playing the silent game.

And DON’T TELL ME I’M TOO YOUNG OR I DON’T UNDERSTAND WHAT I’M FEELING OR THAT IT WAS ONLY A FEW WEEKS. I understand that love makes you a little crazy, so I guess look at me being crazy. Don’t tell me things I already know because I’ve stood up all night and tired to figure out myself.

And after all this, I’m STILL suppose to accept the facts that things just didn’t work out, that we aren’t meant to be, and  that there is someone else out there for you and it isn’t me.  Maybe I will in a few months but right now I’m not there, So you could keep your generic love advice for someone else.  I won’t accept this faith until I know I’ve done all I can.

But then again, my feelings don’t matter. So I’ll become the good strong girl I’m suppose to be and act like you don’t cross my mind everyday.

I’ll wait for when our paths cross again and maybe we will both at better places in our lives.

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