Friday Night.

I love how easy it is for people to turn their backs on you.  How easy it is to give you everything and take it back without a second thought.  How easy it is for them to just you leave there.

I’m torn.  I’m torn between two parts of family and I’m the one who is suppose to keep my shit together. The one who is suppose to be the best friend and the great daughter.  The one whos suppose to never make mistakes and always be on top of her game.

I’m crying right now.  I am so sad and there’s other synonym to describe it.  I’m not miserable, not depressed, I’m just so sick of everything and everyone.  I just don’t know what to do anymore or who I even am.  I just want to find somewhere I belong, somewhere I could thrive and not always second guess who my true friends are.  I have absolutely no one to talk to, no one to talk to like that.  On a daily basis and always on a personal level in and out of school.  I want a friendship thats consistent and I haven’t found that yet.  Maybe I should just stay quiet and not talk to anyone.  Sit by myself and get to know who I am again.  I want to observe where I am because I’m so fucking lost.   I’ll accept the fact that I’m sad and lonely and make the best of it.

I just don’t fucking know anymore.

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