I’ve been living in the past for too long.
If it not my constant nagging to move back to New York, its me complaining about my weight and how my hair is so damaged. And don’t get me started with those people who say, ” you should be grateful for what you have, some people are less fortunate.” Well gee, didn’t realize my happiness should be made up of the sorrows of strangers.
My life is becoming too much of a habit, same shit everyday. I am sick of it, you know? I’m sick of having to be a prisoner in my own life. Another part which is also sad is that, I’m use to it, and when I talk about it to others I sometimes JUSTIFY their actions because its normal.
I’m a broken record, complaining about the same guys and the same problems, when I’m doing close to nothing to change it. This past year, I wanted it to be about me and if I wanted to mop around and act like the world hates me, then that’s exactly what I was going to do. If I was going to cry over the same guy, I should own it and not pretend like it doesn’t still affect me. If I wanted to talk to my friends about the same thing then I will. I owned being sad. I didn’t want anyone to tell me, ” oh sweetie you could do better” or “he’s just another guy.” Because that’s the same thing I kept telling myself.
In the end, I think it worked. Owning it, instead of avoiding it, helped me realize how stupid this whole thing is. I’ve learned a lot from how I react to situations and it has helped me.
Right now, I’m starting new with someone new. Its going good at the moment, nothings being rushed, its not all about making out but we actually talk about anything & everything. We started out as just friends but its so awesome when things work out better then expected. This guy doesn’t know any of my friends, nor do I know his. He doesn’t know about my exes and neither do I. I like it this way, when someone doesn’t know all your business, all at once.
I’m enjoying the experience, forgetting the past and finally letting go of things that were never in my control.