No support.

I just keep feeling like crying.  Its the saddest kind when you have no real reason for it other then, you have no reason not to.  I don’t know if I should just call myself naive or just pathetic, hoping for a better future.  What are the possibilities of that?  It is hard juggling life between school and clubs, how are you suppose to pay for any of it without the support of your parents?  They won’t even try to understand.  They hear the word money and suddenly, its over.  What else am I suppose to do.  I just can’t be the person to be what someone else wants me to.  I always wonder, Why did my parents have children?  It is so hard to find reasons to keep on living.  I know this is how life is, but why is it like this?  Why do we constantly have to fight the same battles?  Yeah sure, in like 30 or 40 years you might look back and say, “ah piece of cake” but right now, I can’t see that.  I haven’t been able to see the light at the end of the tunnel for many months. You know that feeling?  When the sun hasn’t come up in a few weeks.  You’re just surrounded by this grey mist, you’re just there, in the middle of it all, absorbing it like a sponge.  I feel as if the world rests on my shoulders.  When I am suppose to do what I want?  When is it my chance to be happy and feel like my parents love me enough to support me.  Why is it when I cry, they don’t believe the reason.  It is so simple but they have this image of me, a selfish girl who isn’t grateful.  I wish they knew, if only.  I would love to have children, just so they know someone will always love them no matter what.  Where there isn’t any secrets and when problems arise, it won’t be too hard to get back on earth.  I feel this family has passed the breaking point, this is the point of no return.

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